Programmers and families near Manila

The Philippines allows US citizens a 21 day visa on arrival, and we used all 21 days fully, exploring parts of Manila and the surrounding provinces, Cebu, Palawan / El Nido, and Davao. I was pleasantly surprised by the country and its people.

Even though the Philippines is in Asia, it reminded me more of Latin America. This is probably due mostly to it being a Catholic country and having strong U.S. influence. English is a main language there, as well as Tagalog, and most people were easy to understand. The people were very polite and friendly, and the service we received in most places was superb, as is typical in much of Asia. We were also addressed as “Sir” and “Madam” after almost every sentence.

The larger cities, such as the Makati area in Manila, are clean and modern, with all the shopping and international food you could want. The more rural areas are beautiful and green, and the people are even more relaxed and friendly.

Makati, Manila

I hadn’t heard much about Filipino food before we arrived, but they do have their own cuisine, and we were very impressed with it. Some of my favorite dishes are sinigang (tamarind soup, which we first had homemade by our friend’s sweet lola (grandmother) in a small town), kare-kare (a curry dish), and lechon (roasted pig, a traditional delicacy we enjoyed with our Davao programming team). In Davao, their mangos and mangosteens are the best I’ve had anywhere! I also tried some new fruit I’d never heard of called “marang” which was delicious! It looks similar to jackfruit on the outside and has a slightly doughy texture on the inside, like durian, but less chewy, and the flavor was sweet and fresh. The Vikings Buffet at the Mall of Asia in Manila was also the best buffet I’ve ever been to, with a huge variety of fresh and delicious food.

Lechon lunch with Davao programmers at a water park

We also enjoyed a few days in the small town of San Ildefonso with our friends Denny & Rachelle, whom we met in Costa Rica. It was great to see them again and catch up, while also getting a taste of what life is like in the provinces. The girls convinced them to roast marshmallows for smores, and take them to a local swimming pool. We enjoyed several meals together, both at home and at restaurants, and they showed us true Filipino hospitality.

Roasting marshmallows

We felt safe everywhere we went in the Philippines. This may be due to the ever-present security guards. All entrances to big stores and shopping malls have a metal detector and a guard or two ready to check your bags. Even grocery stores seem to have a guard on every other aisle, which I sometimes found more disconcerting than comforting. I hear there are areas in parts of Mindanao and Manila which are not safe, but we didn’t go there. In Davao, the taxi drivers are even honest and use the meters without argument, and it’s against the law to smoke in any public place except for designated areas, which for the most part, people seem to follow.

Davao, Philippines

Traffic in Manila can be an issue, both land and air traffic, and we missed two flights leaving from Manila because of this, and had to rebook. Besides the traffic, I found it to be an inefficient airport in general, with how it’s laid out. And twice the security tried to take my Pacsafe because it’s made of “wires”. But we talked them into letting us keep it both times (“It’s okay. We always travel with it because we got robbed.”, etc.)

Cebu was a fairly clean and growing city, where we met with one of my programmers and his girlfriend, went glow-in-the-dark miniature golfing, and checked out a local mall.

The Philippines has a wide variety of scenery, from jungle rain forests, to terraced rice fields in Baguio, to white sand beaches surrounded by blue water and limestone cliffs in Palawan. We flew into Palawan through Puerto Princesa, where we spent an evening on the beach walk, riding bikes and tricycles, eating street food, and chatting with the locals.

Street food in Puerto Princesa

The next day was a 5-hour winding van ride to El Nido, followed by us realizing that most of the hotels in the area were already booked. Guess we should have planned ahead for this one. However, we were able to secure accommodations at the most luxurious resort in the area, The El Nido Resort at Pangulasian island. We really splurged staying here, but the service and location were phenomenal! From there we toured around to several islands, went kayaking, snorkeling with sharks (I saw a black tip reef shark!), reading in the library, playing at the beach, and relaxing in the beautiful atmosphere of these islands. We felt very well taken care of.

At Pangulasian Island

Look at this water! Yes, it really was that blue.

Pangulasian Island

The nightly sunsets were spectacular, too. This photo was taken right outside our villa.

Sunset at Pangulasian Island

While in Davao, we also celebrated Aysia’s second birthday with a donut from Krispy Kreme, balloons, a new stuffed animal, a dog show, a movie at the theater, and her own luggage, which she is excited to be able to pull on her own.

Aysia pulling suitcase

Happy birthday Aysia

I have to say that it feels good to know that the business I’ve created is now helping support over 20 individuals and their families in the US, Philippines, and elsewhere, to live and work wherever they choose. And I can see a lot of good reasons to choose the Philippines.

Here are some video clips and additional pictures I took during our time in the Philippines.

Share and Enjoy

The path to truth isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it’s frightening, painful, and unsettling. Likewise, a life of comfort is often riddled with self-deceit, stagnation, and limitations.

If I want truth, then I must be willing to question everything. I must be willing to let go of the way I think the world is or how I think it should be. Otherwise, my resistance will limit my vision and I will never get to truth, or the real peace that lies beyond resisting. I’ll also never grow outside of the comfort zone I imprison myself in.

On the other hand, if I desire comfort over truth, then I must ignore the questions in my mind, do what has brought me comfort in the past, and believe whatever I think will make me happiest, whether it’s true or not. Then, I must refuse to consider anything that challenges that view. Many people live seemingly happy lives this way, ignoring the deeper questions that lie beneath the often subconscious repression of the inconsistencies their mind discovers. Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

Is one choice better than the other? Is it worth seeking the truth if it may lead to an uncomfortable reality? Or can you tolerate a sense of comfort when you know you may be deceiving yourself? With so many unknowns in our world, don’t we all choose comfort to some degree anyway?

I think it’s not so black and white. Most of us have beliefs we’re willing to question, and those we hold sacred or refuse to consider challenging, at least until we’re ready. Several years ago, I challenged my beliefs about money, education, and religion. This completely changed my life! Yet I still struggle with questioning things like the value of certain relationships, my views of right and wrong, and what it means to be human. But unless I question these things, how will I know if these beliefs are limiting me?

It can be scary to challenge core beliefs! For example, having grown up Mormon, it was terrifying for me to question the source of my spiritual feelings, and the existence and nature of God. I had to be willing to give up my world as I knew it in my attempt to find the truth. And while I still can’t state for certain what God might be like, I feel much closer to the truth now, than when I claimed to “know” the answer with absolute certainty when in fact I had simply been too afraid to lose my comfort by fully challenging these beliefs.

I’ve also noticed that the more beliefs I question, the more beliefs I discover under the surface that are waiting to be challenged. Usually, these are beliefs I didn’t even know I had but are affecting my life profoundly. New worlds continue to open up as I go deeper into challenging and letting go of my attachment to these beliefs.

Perhaps the questioning process will never end. Maybe it ends only with omniscience. Or maybe it stops when I finally realize that I know absolutely nothing, and hold attachment to no belief at all. How else can we get to the truth except by questioning what we think we already know, and being willing to drop all beliefs in order to see what lies beyond them?

But it can be a tiresome process. Not everyone wants to take this journey, and there is nothing wrong with resting in the comfort of potentially false belief when we choose to, even indefinitely. We all do it to some degree, usually unconsciously. But by becoming aware that this is what were doing, we enable ourselves to make a conscious decision about it. We increase our ability to choose, which means we increase our freedom.

How to Challenge Beliefs

We tend to start questioning our beliefs when we tire of stagnating in comfort, or when we see that the answers we’ve been given don’t add up, or when we just feel like there is something more that we’re not seeing in our life experience. Every person will do this in their own way when they are ready, but here are a few methods I’ve found helpful in opening my mind to new possibilities:

• Read or listen to opposing views. But not from the perspective of how to prove them wrong or fit them into your current framework of reality. Instead, see them without any judgment. Identify their value and maybe even try them on for size to see what the world looks like through that lens. This can be terrifying, difficult, and very uncomfortable. It is common to take a glimpse into an opposing view, not know how to deal with the questions or emotions it brings up (especially when existing beliefs creep in), and give up before fully exploring the view. Instead, welcome the discomfort. Stay with the belief for a while. Yes, it may completely change your view of reality, and that can be scary. But if you give up too early because of fear or discomfort, then you’re selling yourself short of reaching deeper levels of understanding and truth.
• Gain perspective. Spend some time with people who have completely different worldviews than you. Travel to foreign countries where the language, religion, and culture is different. Talk to the impoverished and the wealthy, the activists and the pacifists, the traditional and the unique. Try to see the world how they do, and see what it teaches you. Notice how some of your beliefs are not part of their framework at all, and how that affects them or not.
• Study the mind. Learn about how our beliefs are formed and how we tend to hold onto false beliefs, even when it doesn’t make sense. Read a book like Don’t Believe Everything You Think or some of these thought-provoking books.
• Identify hidden beliefs. When we make a statement or ask a question, there is often a hidden limiting belief lying beneath our words. These can be tricky to identify, but they permeate how we talk and think, and can limit our view. Here are some examples of possible hidden beliefs in statements and questions. “Why did God let my son die?” (Possible hidden beliefs: Your son died. God is responsible for that. God cares about your son. God exists.”) “I wish I had more money.” (Possible hidden beliefs: More money will make you happy. It is too difficult to get more money. Rich people are greedy and are the reason I have so little.”)
• Watch your emotions. If you find yourself feeling angry or defensive when an idea is presented to you, or when one of your beliefs is challenged, this can be an indicator of a belief you may identifying with or holding onto for comfort. Whether you decide to question these beliefs or not, being aware of the beliefs you’re most attached to can help you see what’s driving your behavior and allow you to question them when you’re ready.

These methods are rarely comfortable. But in order for growth to happen, in order for us to know the truth, and in order to increase our freedom, we must be willing to get out of our comfort zone and sincerely question our beliefs.

I recently watched a moving and funny documentary called Kumaré about a man from New Jersey who pretended to be an Indian guru, went to Arizona, and gained a following of real people. He taught them fake yoga moves and made up chants. Yet, some of his followers were profoundly touched by these practices, and went on to make positive changes in their lives. They found comfort in these empty rituals and made up teachings. He also taught that they didn’t need a guru and could become their ideal selves on their own, a lesson he was experimenting with as he taught it.

The most interesting part for me was seeing the internal struggle this man had with revealing his true self to his followers, and how they reacted to the news. I won’t spoil it for you, but the choice between comfort and truth is apparent here as well. You can watch the movie at http://kumaremovie.com.

While comfort can be nice, I invite you to ask yourself if you have a belief that it might be time to question. Is there something you’ve been believing that doesn’t resonate with you anymore? Is there a hidden assumption that’s holding you back from reaching your potential? Is there something you have doubts about but are afraid to look at completely?

If so, I invite you to jump into the fire, embrace the discomfort, and see what lies on the other side for you. I can’t make any promises about what you will experience, but every time I have done this, an unexpected new world of deeper understanding has opened up to me and changed my life in profound and positive ways. It can be like waking up from a dream or hatching out of an egg.

If you have the desire, I hope you will take the chance to break through the barriers of your limiting beliefs when you feel ready to do so; and that the world you discover beyond them will bring more comfort and truth than you’ve ever known.

Share and Enjoy

Raising our young children abroad for the past three years has been more of a catalyst for learning than I ever would have imagined, and my expectations were already quite high to begin with. It’s been all about learning together in new and unfamiliar territory, expanding comfort zones, and exploring the wonders to be savored in foreign lands. Our journey has been downright messy, heartbreaking, and confusing, but it has also been awe-inspiring, empowering, and exhilarating.

The reality we identified with at the time we started out on our journey has been rocked to the core. There’s no turning back now. But the good news is, we wouldn’t want to. We have gained so much value from what we’ve learned and experienced in our travels. Actually, we can’t bear the thought of not having chosen this path.

Our experiences have led us to the clearing out of many long standing emotional issues, and to the discovery of quite a few of our own limiting beliefs. The exposure we have had during this time to so many new and interesting people, places, cultures, and ideas, has expanded our bubble of reality and understanding. Each time a difficult puzzle piece clicks into place in our lives, our happiness factor increases. The challenges are worth their rewards. I see our lives as an ever-changing, growing, and evolving process, that I have come to appreciate the beauty of.

In our short amount of time on this new path, we feel like we have gained the world. We’ve even had the good fortune to meet several other families in-person who are taking their own similar journeys. Every family has different personalities, strengths, relationship dynamics, decision-making processes, conflict-resolution methods, skill sets, desires, resources, etc., which all play their significant roles in creating an individual family culture. I would say our family culture centers largely around learning.

Learning As a Family

I work together with Brandon to help facilitate the education of our three girls. We each have our own strengths in that area, and we make the most of them. We use a child-led learning approach. Brandon acts mainly as the computer guru, piano expert, trip organizer, navigator, and financial provider. For my part, I mostly prepare the day-by-day learning format, learning activity ideas, learning assignments, and to-do items along with the girls. I help them with their questions along the way, gauging their progress in all areas as we go along. We also help organize any special activities they want to pursue, and set them up with other teachers, children, groups and classes that they show special interest in. The girls and I also read books out-loud together, which is one of our favorite things to do. We keep things flexible, remembering that one of our goals is to help preserve in them a love of learning.

Many times our children have a specific idea about how they would like to learn something and it ends up working exceptionally well, but we never would have thought of it for them. I’ve learned to give them lots of freedom and space to explore and dive into what excites them. They’ve come up with great results.

I love this opportunity to raise our young children abroad, and this family culture of learning we have created together.

I’m finding it’s really the small things that make the biggest difference for our family, such as tone of voice, a fun approach, smiles, hugs, patience, gentleness, respect, taking responsibility for ourselves, being willing to help out when needed, and lots of loving, positive attention and recognition. It’s about taking the time to tune into ourselves and each other in order to connect at those deeper levels. We are learning to trust and value the unique contributions of each family member, and to live in our strengths from a place of greater self-love and awareness.

Here are 12 tips I’ve found helpful in raising young children abroad.

1. Bring A Few Toys

We don’t travel with many toys in our family. The girls have had a least one familiar and well-loved stuffed animal to bring along with them in our travels, and we also make really good use of such things as an iPad and a Galaxy Note. There is a lot of sitting and waiting that comes along with traveling; we’ve found it can feel really great to have something fun to do at the same time. As they’ve become old enough to enjoy reading on their own, books have helped pass the time well, too.

2. Pack Light

We find that the fewer luggage items we are loaded down with, especially with young children in-tow, the happier we are. In fact, we try to stick to carry-ons only. It reduces stress at our arrival destination as well, since we can skip the baggage claim. There’s nothing we want more than to quickly check into our rooms, after the discomfort of planes and airports. We’ve also found many airports have special express lines for families with young children, which come in handy during long wait times at immigration.

3. Breastfeed

The decision that has made the biggest difference to smoothing my travel experience with young children is breastfeeding. Aysia always has her milk ready and waiting for her anytime she wants it. There’s nothing to prepare in advance. It’s perfectly warm, free, delicious, and it greatly benefits her developing immune system. It’s given us both immeasurable convenience and comfort along our journey. In all countries we’ve visited, breastfeeding in public is perfectly acceptable, which I’ve found refreshing. I’ll also make a quick mention here that baby-wearing has been a great way to go for us. It’s hands-free, breast milk is easily accesible, the baby stays more secure and protected, and she also enjoys plenty of close time with mama.

4. Hire Household Help

We’ve appreciated living in places where we can afford basic househeld help. It’s made such a difference in our quality of life, allowing us more freedom in how we spend our time, especially with our young children. It also helps out the local economies of the places we stay, teaches us about local culture and customs, the local language, and of course, we’ve made many new friends in the process.

5. Focus On Appreciation Vs. Expectations

The realities we encounter in our travels are often different than what we’re used to. For example, showers that are designed to get the whole bathroom wet, including the toilet, or beans in the pillows instead of feathers, or traffic police who will lie to get a bribe from tourists. As much as I may prefer things to be different sometimes, I find that complaining only makes things worse. I’ve learned to focus more on what I appreciate about a place, instead. I’ve come to realize that a focus based on expectations and perceived lack obscures much of the good that exists. As we’ve helped teach our young children to see and appreciate the good, it has gone a long way toward helping them foster positive attitudes.

6. Seek Out Limiting Beliefs

We came into this one purely by accident, but have since discovered that traveling is an opportune time for seeing the different beliefs that are out there in the world. When we are back at home in our familiar bubble of reality, our limiting beliefs can blend just like camouflage into the common background of our community and our lives. Since discovering some of our own limiting beliefs, our lives have begun changing in many positive ways. A big part of the changes that have come as a result have to do with the way we are raising our children. We feel very fortunate to be using a much more healthy approach for that now, than we felt like we were using before.

7. Accept Relationship Loss

At times, our journey has stirred up relationship drama with one or more close family members and friends. We are all naturally drawn to people who we feel can offer us the acceptance, respect, support, and love that we desire. I’ve discovered that relationship dynamics can change, and some of these people drop out of our lives. If it becomes your unfortunate reality that you lose one or more dear relationships through this process, allow yourself adequate time to grieve. Then allow yourself to move on and appreciate more fully the people who are there for you now. They are amazing, too. Young children are especially sensitive to melancholy moods, so I find it’s important to also be mindful of their feelings during this process.

8. Mind Your Personal Independence and Responsibility

As we began traveling it became all too easy for us to rely on each other for everything, and we did almost everything together. These foreign lands felt unfamiliar and a little overwhelming sometimes, so we began clinging onto each other extra tightly. That led to a codependency problem in our family, because we began neglecting to take enough personal responsibility for our own needs. We’re currently working on undoing many of those undesirable habits we created together, by taking time for ourselves when we need it and encouraging each other in our own personal growth.

9. Try New Things

From simple things like eating an exotic piece of fruit, to something as life-changing as attending the breath-work sessions here in Ubud, we would be missing out on a lot in our travels if we didn’t seek out the new. It certainly keeps life more exciting for all of us. For example, Emily volunteered at an animal rescue center while we were living in Costa Rica, and she loved it. Lately, both Emily and Marie have participated in a couple of open-mic nights here in Ubud, even writing some of their own songs. What made the experience so special for them was how warm and receptive the audience was, despite the imperfections in their performance. It was heart-warming to be among such beautiful people, and it’s something we’ll always remember fondly.

10. Accept Kindnesses

As our family has accepted kindness from others, we’ve had some special experiences. For example, one woman we barely knew (we met her at our hotel pool) set us up in a really fancy hotel in Guatemala for one night at a vastly discounted rate, simply out of the kindness of her heart. There was also the Korean man at an airport in Vietnam who threw a shoe up into the rafters multiple times as we were waiting for our flight, in order to make Marie’s toy snake fall back down to her. Experiences like these help us want to take opportunities to serve others too. We’ve had more opportunities to receive kindness from others because we travel with our young children.

11. Smile

Smiles have helped open doors for our family. People have been more inclined to want to get to know our family through Marie’s smiles and sociable personality. Even the very intimidating-looking rows of armed guards in Cusco, Peru melted into smiles when they saw our little girls trooping on by them. A sweet smile and polite decline usually goes a long way when too many people are hounding the girls for photos. Once, when the girls were on the verge of tears because of too much picture taking attention at the Grand Palace in Thailand, Emily made it a fun game by taking a picture of everyone who tried to take her picture. That garnered quite a few smiles and laughs on it’s own.

12. Carry Essential Oils

Brandon’s Mom introduced me to essential oils at the beginning of our marriage almost eleven years ago. I have been using them ever since. Besides being small and portable, they are powerful natural medicines that I have used daily for things as simple as mood and motion sickness, to larger things like bug bites/stings, immunity, stomachache, headaches, and minor infections. They have brought our family a lot of relief, healing, and peace of mind. My favorite brand is doTERRA, and I have my own online store if you want to order some for yourself. You can also get them at wholesale prices if you click join in the top right corner. My favorites are Lavender, On Guard Blend (immunity), Peppermint, Melaleuca, DigestZen Blend (digestion), Wild Orange, Cinnamon, and Ylang Ylang.

Raising our young children abroad these past few years has propelled us into the fast lane of expanding our life experiences, enjoyment, and learning.  Our understanding has deepened and we’ve been forever changed.

Share and Enjoy

One of the biggest realizations I came to this month is that I’ve been codependent. I didn’t even know what this term meant, but now understand it to mean that I have allowed my emotions and behavior to be overly affected by the emotions and behavior of others. In other words, I’d put my feelings, needs, and desires aside in order to please people around me, usually because I was subconsciously afraid that I wouldn’t be able to cope with their potential negative reactions. In many ways, I was a doormat. Ultimately, I realized this leads to suppressed resentment inside myself (along with other emotions), reduced authenticity in my relationships, and increases others’ dependence on me.

I now understand that anger and fear are valid emotions to be felt, and don’t need to be judged or suppressed. All emotions can be fully felt and expressed in a healthy way that respects everyone involved. This doesn’t have to be threatening, but if it is, I can detach from the situation without feeling responsible for helping the other person feel differently.

Two books that have helped me immensely in this area have been Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. On the topic of intimate relationships, I’ve also recently enjoyed Way of the Superior Man by David Deida, although he’s a bit more bold in some areas than I would care to venture. But that book, along with some excellent interviews on the New Man Podcast, have helped me feel comfortable allowing my natural masculine core to shine through, and to better understand the polarities at play.

While these resources have helped open my eyes to a healthier way of living, the most powerful moments of awakening occurred for me during breath work sessions where these ideas really “sunk in”. I felt strongly that I needed to get clearer on what I want, and that I’m so damned sick and tired of giving my power away! — Enough so that I’m willing to swear in public for the first time. :) I’m taking my power back now!

The feeling of freedom that came from this lessened my anxiety significantly, and I felt lighter, more energetic, and more empowered than I had in a long time. Interestingly, my stomach also felt relaxed. Old habits have continued to slip in since those sessions, but I’m making good progress, and every area of my life continues to move in positive directions.

In addition to a business trip, going to Hong Kong alone was a chance for me to connect more with myself. Just spending hours reading and writing on the plane ride over felt wonderful, and it was great being free of the responsibility of taking care of more people than just myself. I’d like to take more trips like this.

Hong Kong itself was an impressive city. It reminded me a lot of Singapore, with clean wide streets and sidewalks, an efficient subway system, high end shopping, and expensive hotels. But it has stronger Chinese influence. Taxi drivers and waitresses didn’t speak much English, and some signs were only in Chinese. It was also a lot more smoggy. I got a hotel room with a view across the harbor, but the smog was so dense I could barely see to the other side.

Hong Kong Harbor from Excelsior Hotel

Hong Kong from Victoria Peak

Traffic flowed pretty smoothly, for the most part, thanks to the excellent public transportation. But with limited space, everything in Hong Kong is vertical, including the double decker buses, making things seem even more tight and crowded.

I’ve also decided to make the switch from iPhone to Android and picked up a Samsung Galaxy Tab 2, which I’m loving so far for its speed, flexibility, large screen, and accurate voice recognition. I’m still trying to figure out a more automated way to get my music and contacts over from my iPhone, but I’m happy with it.

While in Hong Kong, I also did some in-person business consulting with a successful entrepreneur over dim sum, attended a yoga class with friend who’s starting her own yoga studio, and went to lunch together afterward, and attended an electronics conference hoping to see some new gadgets and technologies, but was disappointed to see nothing particularly innovative (wrong kind of conference, I guess).

I also worked a lot on my business, making decisions, writing manuals that better define the responsibilities of each role in the company, and took more steps to help grow the business internationally. Next month I’ll be visiting my programmers and other staff in the Philippines, and am excited to finally meet them in person, along with their families. I’ll be bringing mine, too.

Share and Enjoy

This time, we chose to head just east of Bali to the island of Lombok, and the neighboring Gili Islands, still part of Indonesia. Most people get from Bali to the Gili Islands by boat with a 1-3 hour ride. But because of our aversion to sea sickness and some horror stories we heard about the trip, we decided to fly to Lombok first, drive through it and then take a shorter boat ride to Gili Air, the nearest of the three Gili Islands. Our friends the Kings took the boat from Bali and were there waiting for us when we arrived. They had already picked out a hotel, next to a beautiful beach with crystal blue water and great snorkeling right off the shore.

Emily on Gili Air

Gili Air is extremely laid back. There are no cars or any motorized vehicles on the island. The roads are sandy paths mostly used for walking, but there is also the occasional horse carriage or bicycle.

Walking on Gili Air

Already a quiet island, we came in low season, so it was even more quiet. Despite this, there were several delicious restaurants to choose from with high quality food, most of them right on the beach. Scalliwag’s was one of our favorites.

At Scalliwag’s

We took some walks around the island, went on a glass bottom boat ride to Gili Meno (an even less populated island) and did some snorkeling nearby. The water was beautiful and clear. The fish were colorful and large. We even saw sea turtles! The coral was mostly covered in sand, however, and wasn’t very colorful.

Boarding the glass bottom boat

Snorkeling near Gili Meno

I got some cool necklaces from these guys that make them out of coconuts.

Making coconut jewelry

Despite wanting to “do nothing” I did check my email and had some drama to deal with, but overall it was a very relaxing and wonderful trip where we had fun playing and connecting with our friends, clearing our heads of clutter, and enjoying our moments on this beautiful world.

Gili Air from Gili Meno

On the way back to Bali, we stopped in Senggigi (a beach town in Lombok), Mataram (the biggest city in Lombok where we got Emily some new shoes and a swimsuit), and Kute/Kuta beach (a still somewhat rough and undiscovered beach town in the south of Lombok). The coastline north of Senggigi was particularly spectacular.

North of Senggigi, Lombok

Kute Beach, Lombok

Note: Most of Lombok follows a metered taxi system which is inexpensive and efficient. However, there are transportation companies set up in the Bangsal port in the north and Kute in the south, to prevent taxis from taking passengers from those locations, so they can charge tourists more (sometimes 3-4 times more). In Bangsal, if you’re willing to walk another 300 meters away from the port, you can find metered taxis there.

We really enjoyed this trip and are looking forward to visiting more places in the future that remind us to pause, clear our minds, take a deep breath of fresh air, and know there is nothing that needs to be done today except enjoy the day. Enjoy more pictures from the trip below.

Share and Enjoy

I wrote an article about this several years ago called Pick a Need and Fill It. I still stand behind the principles I wrote there. But because this is such a hot question, I’m going to address it again here with the hopes that it will help out some aspiring entrepreneurs on this important step (while also saving them some consulting fees). :)

My simple answer to the question of how to pick a winning business idea is “I don’t know.” I have no magic formula to guarantee success. I have started two businesses, and have had success with both. But I think this is due more to hard work and persistence than it is to an amazing idea. I did no market research or planning before I started it. I just jumped in and created the product because I wanted to use it for myself.

But I think that’s a good key, right there. As a rule of thumb, if you and a handful of others you know personally would pay to use the product you’re going to create, then chances are, with the billions of people in the world, you can find another couple hundred or couple thousand who would pay to use it too. From what I’ve seen, you can make money doing just about anything if you’re willing to put in the effort. It’s just a matter of how much you want to make, how hard you want to work to make it, and how much you’ll enjoy the process.

For me, “success” was a lifestyle goal of being able to provide for my family without being dependent on an employer, and having more time for the things I wanted to do. I determined that $8,000/month of passive income was all I needed. If my goal was to make $10 million in 6 months, it would have been a completely different process for me, and a different business idea.

You don’t have to create a product you’d use personally, but I think it’s a good way to go. To brainstorm ideas, make a list of things that frustrate you in life, work, or as you go about your day. Then write down some possible solutions for each of these frustrations. After that, go for a walk or do something to clear your head, and see what stands out. Chances are you’ll have a few decent business ideas after this exercise.

If not, you could also sell information online, writing about how to deal with a challenge you’ve overcome in your life, or teaching others how to pursue a hobby you’re passionate about. If you still can’t come up with any ideas that interest you, then you could call up your friends, family, or colleagues, and “interview” them to ask what frustrates them, and what products they’d like to use, and see if you can envision some good solutions. For more ideas, check out Chris Guillebeau’s book The $100 Startup, which is full of great case studies in a broad range of industries.

Also, don’t rule out an idea just because it sounds dumb. You could probably make decent money selling orange siamese cat sweaters if you create a quality product and target the right people with the right message.

Just remember to keep your income goals in mind. If you want to make $10,000/month, for example, then you can either create a subscription product so valuable that people are willing to pay $1,000/month for it (and you’ll only need to find 10 customers!), or you can create a product for $10 and find 1,000 customers per month to buy it. Weigh the amount of work involved either way and see what makes sense for you.

You can use sites like LaunchRock.com to see how much interest there is in your product before creating it. Drive traffic there through Adwords or Facebook Ads for a few days or weeks to see what the response is like. If you pay $100 in ads and get 200 people to your site, and 10% of them show interest in your product, that’s 40 leads, or $2.50/lead. Let’s assume 10% of those leads (4 people) would actually pay for your product. If you charge $50/month for your product, that means you paid $100 to get 4 people to pay you $50/month. In other words, you spent $100 to make $200/month forever. If you can repeat that, you’ve found an incredible cash machine! Whatever money you put in doubles instantly, and keeps on paying!

Choosing a business idea is a personal decision that no one can make for you. But if you choose something you’re excited about pursuing, even when things get difficult, and if it looks like there is enough interest to meet your income goals for the amount of work you want to put into it, then it’s likely to be a winning business idea for you.

Share and Enjoy

I think it feels great to yawn, sigh, laugh, and take deep breaths. But I’m finding I can gain more from the experience when I pay attention to how I feel when doing so. There is something almost magical about breath in whatever form. Maybe that’s because it plays such a huge role in sustaining life. A minute or two without breathing, and I’d be playing the harp on cloud nine (or roasting on an open fire, according to some). :)

My experience with conscious breathing began with meditation. As I slowly inhaled and exhaled, focusing on different aspects of my breath, I found myself becoming more present in the moment, more relaxed, and more at peace. The benefits of meditation are numerous, many are scientifically verified, and the practice of meditation is increasing in popularity throughout the Western world.

There are many ways to meditate. Some methods I’ve enjoyed over the years include observing my thoughts and emotions without judgment, listening to guided meditations that take me on imaginary journeys of self-discovery, and repeating a mantra or phrase to help focus my mind.

All of these methods have been effective in calming my mind and bringing peace. But recently, I’ve been practicing a different form of breathing that instead of calming, intends to shakes things up, bringing issues to the surface to be dealt with. Strong emotions sometimes arise, from fear and rage, to joy and bliss, but the end result of each session for me is usually a powerful feeling of connectedness with everyone and everything, and a sense of being bathed in love.

There are many different techniques for this type of breath work. Clarity Breathwork, Transformational Breathing, Holotropic Breathing, and Re-birthing are a few of the common ones. Some involve quick, fast breaths and a forced exhale, inducing hyperventilation (which some believe helps emotional integration). Others involve a more relaxed, connected breath, with no pause between the inhale and exhale. This exercise is usually sustained for about an hour.

I’ve tried some gentle forms of breath work six times now in group settings, along with facilitators, music, and other activities to educate and stimulate. Each time has brought different insights, awareness, and integration. My first few experiences were quite cathartic. I felt a lot of fear, strong tension in my body, and many uncomfortable emotions. Lately, they’ve been more mild, as supposedly my more difficult emotional blocks have been dealt with, or perhaps I’m just not ready to deal with more yet. Sometimes I think I’ve even fallen asleep. But I’ve gained something wonderful each time I’ve participated.

In one session, I remember seeing myself (like in a dream) in a situation from my past where I was hurt by someone else. I felt the pain of that moment acutely, along with accompanying tears. But instead of handling it like I did in real life, unconsciously repressing my feelings and hiding my emotional pain in an attempt to be loving and “strong”, I saw myself express my emotions fully. I stood up for myself, and yelled inside at the other person, stating how I felt that I deserved to be treated better. I felt more anger than I probably ever have in my life. I also realized that I hadn’t been respecting myself. I didn’t have to stay in the situation and be hurt. Rather, I knew that I was worthy of the most supportive, gentle, sensitive, freeing, and unconditional love that can be given. And I realized I could give it to myself. Then I began to show myself this love and respect by accepting what I was capable of dealing with in that moment, speaking my truth, and setting appropriate boundaries. I felt immense love for myself and gratitude for others. These feelings have carried over more into my “waking” life as well.

In another instance, after some pre-breathing exercises about discovering and living our life’s purpose, I came out of the breath work session overcome with a sense that I really do have something to give, and that it’s okay and good to do so. I shared this experience with the group afterward, and felt immense love and support from all of them, even though most were strangers. Since then, I’ve felt more confident in sharing myself, my feelings, and my creations with the world.

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been reading a book called The Presence Process which also recommends circular, conscious, connected (no pause between inhale and exhale) breathing for 15 minutes, twice a day. This is done through the nose and in a sitting position, rather than laying down breathing with the mouth open like in the group sessions. Any emotions that come up are to be felt and embraced, not sedated or controlled. I’ve found immense power in doing this, and have found that it accompanies group breath work beautifully.

Who would have thought that the simple act of conscious breathing and the practice of emotional awareness that accompanies it could have such a profound impact on my emotional and physical health?

If you’d like to get an idea of what happens during a breath work session, here’s a video that captures some of the essence. The most recent workshops Jen and I have been going to are not exactly like this, but similar, and led by the same amazing woman, Christabel Zamor. Like in the video, there is usually some dancing before hand, and some interaction with others in the group. We’ve made some wonderful new friends this way as well.

Have you ever tried focusing on your breath for an hour? Have you ever meditated or experienced any benefits from it? What techniques have you found helpful? Have you ever breathed through painful emotions and learned something about yourself by doing so? Does all of this sound ridiculous to you? I’d love to hear any thoughts and stories you have to share below.

Share and Enjoy

I honestly don’t know how long I’ve had this problem, but it became bad enough to notice after we came back from our South America trip in the Fall of 2011. Once I discovered that having diarrhea 3 times per week wasn’t normal, I went to doctors who ran numerous tests, but found nothing wrong with me. They prescribed some different types of anti-parasite medication just in case, which didn’t help. In the end, with no recognizable physical abnormalities, I was diagnosed with this syndrome, a common “mindbody disorder” where the brain and gut struggle to communicate properly for an unknown reason.

While this syndrome wasn’t debilitating, it was inconvenient and sometimes painful, and I wanted to understand the cause. Some sufferers have found relief through a diet change, so I tracked everything I ate for two years. Over time, I could find no correlation with what I was eating and the problems I was having. Usually, spicy and greasy food caused symptoms, but not always. And other times, even a healthy salad would cause me pain. I tried different food combinations, added more protein and soluble fibers, drank more milk. Later, I went vegetarian and removed all dairy and wheat from my diet. Nothing helped permanently.

I also tried a self-hypnosis course specifically for healing IBS. This did reduce my symptoms to about once every week or two, but it didn’t heal it completely. Clearly, there were psychological factors at play. I wondered what effect my emotions could be having on my IBS, but with a fairly stress-free life, I couldn’t think of any negative emotions that would be affecting it. Turns out I had a lot to discover.

Becoming Present

“He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts.” — Samuel Johnson

Last November, a friend told me about a book called The Mindbody Prescription by Dr. John Sarno, M.D., and how he’s used it to heal his carpal tunnel, and others have used it for migraines, back pain, and much more. The premise is that many muscular-skeletal issues are caused by repressed emotions, which remain trapped in the body and surface as physical symptoms or disorders. Because the cause of these issues is emotional instead of physical, many of these problems can be treated successfully without medication, physical therapy, or surgery, which are often costly and can have poor side effects. I was somewhat skeptical, but interested to hear how that might work.

After reading the book, I was convinced that emotions do have an effect on the body, but was still unsure to what degree, or how to effectively “release” those emotions to heal myself. My IBS also persisted. But the book gave me enough motivation to start tracking my emotional state, especially how I felt around the time I experienced IBS symptoms, and I did start to notice some correlation. I also started becoming more aware of how I was feeling and what I might be suppressing.

However, the biggest changes began when I discovered the book The Presence Process by Michael Brown, which has guided me to successfully integrate many charged emotions from my past that I had suppressed, while also getting me in the habit of 30 minutes of daily meditation. As I go throughout my day and am triggered by various events, I continue to discover more emotions to integrate, and find myself more present in the moment to deal with them appropriately. I’m still only on week 7 of the 10 week course, but so far it has proved life changing.

This process has also been helped along, I’m sure, by participating in several breathing workshops, qigong practice, and the study of my dreams which I’ve been recording nightly for the past several years in an attempt to understand the subconscious mind. I’ve been interested in these topics since long before I was diagnosed with IBS, and I may discuss them more in future posts.

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve had many strong emotional experiences in the past few weeks, most of them resulting in a new sense of ease, lightness, and clarity. I have many stories to tell about the different emotions that have been released, or integrated, and the different ways this has occurred for me. For now, I will just share one of these experiences below.

Accepting Myself

Mid-December, I got invited to do an interview with Dean Dwyer for his Lifestyle Hacking Show. At the time, I felt like I just wanted to focus on figuring myself out, and didn’t want the distraction of an interview. It wouldn’t necessarily help my business. I didn’t need any more popularity. It might bring me consulting clients, but I wasn’t excited about consulting anyway. If I did the interview, it would only be to boost my ego, and I didn’t see the value in that. I also wasn’t confident that I had much of value to say, as I’m realizing how little I know both about business and life. So I told him no, but that he could contact me again in a few weeks to see where I’m at.

Mid-January, after a month of practice with the Presence Process, I was contacted by Tim Ferriss’ assistant asking if he can republish my blog post on How I Spend My Time Now as a guest post on his 4-hour Workweek blog. I hesitated. I let the email sit in my inbox for three days as I pondered the implications and delved into the recesses of my soul to understand why I was hesitating and what I wanted. I got lost in thoughts about how the post is over two years old and I spend my time differently now, so it wouldn’t really be authentic. And last time he wrote about my business, my inbox got flooded with emails from people asking how I did it. I didn’t want more popularity, more emails to answer, or to be held up as someone who has “made it” or as an example to follow. In the past I did, sure. My Mormon upbringing taught me that I know what’s right and how to live, and it was my job to let the rest of the world know. I’m still shedding that attitude, but more than ever I feel content to let people live their own lives because I don’t know what is best for them. I was also aware that some people feel resentful when they hear I only work 5 hours per week or employ a personal chef, and I didn’t want more of that resentment directed toward me. I was afraid of becoming famous, because of what people might say or do to take away my peace.

And the next day, I was contacted by Dean again about the interview, but with a twist. He let me know that he was more interested in hearing about my inner journey than my business success. And I was certainly more interested in talking about that. Still, as I paid attention to how I felt about these requests, I felt afraid.

But rather than resisting the fear, avoiding it, or stuffing it down, I allowed myself to feel it fully, even embrace it. And slowly, I began to see it for what it was — just an emotion, amplified by the mental stories I was telling myself about some fictional future. Through meditation, writing, and talking with Jen, I discovered that what I was most afraid of was people judging me. I was afraid of stumbling over my words, saying something I’d regret, and others thinking poorly of me. I also became aware of the judgments I was directing toward myself, and my own feelings of inadequacy. I felt like I needed to put on a “show” to impress people, to “help” them, or to hide my faults, when really, I just needed to accept myself for who I was, and be myself completely, without worrying how others would respond. And this interview and guest post would be a chance for me to practice. I could be myself more fully, see myself more clearly, and grow even more. Maybe I would embarrass myself. Maybe people wouldn’t like me. Maybe I wouldn’t have anything useful to say. But it would all be okay, and I can learn from whatever happens. I just needed to let go and be myself. I cried and felt relieved.

The next day, I wrote both Dean and Tim back saying I’d go ahead with the interview and guest post. Doing so brought me a wonderful feeling of lightness and aliveness, as if I’d been trying to push a beach ball underwater for years, and finally let it go. Also, while writing Tim back, it began to rain. I paused to step outside and enjoy the downpour and thunder and to feel the cool breeze on my skin. After a few deep breaths, I had an urge to go stand naked in the rain and be drenched by it. So, throwing all self-consciousness aside, I did it! And it felt amazing! I not only stood. I danced and laughed and smiled! :) And I felt deep in my heart that it’s okay to be me! And I love myself!

The Dream

A few days later, after another powerful release, I had a dream rich with personal symbolism that confirmed to me I’m on the right path.

In this dream, the family (representing me) is completely comfortable being themselves and following their hearts, even when they come back into the world surrounded by those who would normally judge them (represented by the chapel). Their clothes represent their individuality and the way they present themselves to the world. The water poured on the 8-year-old boy’s head could represent a baptism, or rebirth, and also shows that he (possibly my child self) is unfazed by teasing and judgment, and is happy to the core, just as he is. The dream could indicate that I have released judgment of myself, am living fully and abundantly, and am comfortable sharing my insights and and joys. How others respond is irrelevant. I’m just being me. Moon River becomes an anthem for the celebration of being alive and being myself.

The Results

So, have these experiences (along with many others just as powerful that I haven’t written about) affected my IBS? From what I can tell, YES! I want to give it more time and practice to be sure, but I haven’t had any issues with it for almost a month now. I’ve also been using natural elimination postures which may be helping. Regardless of the physical benefits, I’ve experienced powerful emotional, even “spiritual” change in many areas of my life, that surely something good is happening, and I’m going to continue the process.

I’m feel like I’m on a journey exploring new frontiers, and making exciting discoveries within myself and the world around me. I make mistakes along the way. But I put myself out there, try new things, see what sticks, pick up the pieces, and try again. Yes, sometimes it’s painful and humiliating. But it’s also immensely rewarding. And I’m in love with life! The joy is in the journey.

“Not all who wander are lost.” — J.R.R. Tolkein

Share and Enjoy

Confession #1: I Haven’t “Made It”

I’ve imagined there are people out there who see my business success, the decision to sell my possessions and travel long-term with my family, and the courage it took for me to leave Mormonism, and they think that Brandon must have it all figured out.

Well, I don’t have it all figured out, and I don’t have to pretend that I do. Yes, on the outside, my life may appear idyllic. But deep down, I’ve buried painful feelings of inadequacy, so well covered that I didn’t know I had them. I’ve cared so much about what other people think, that it’s influenced what I say and do (or don’t say and do), and even how I feel about myself. I’m not a beaming ball of happiness every waking hour. I’m no expert on life or love. And I’m not an all-knowing business genius either. (Sorry, consulting clients!)

But I’ve come to realize that these feelings of inadequacy only exist because I have been judging myself instead of accepting myself for who I am. If I hold no judgment against myself, then I am immune to all judgment from others, and have no need to hide my authentic self. In the past weeks, I have had several overpowering experiences that helped release much of this judgment and bring me to a healthier place of self-acceptance. Explaining how leads to my next confession.

Confession #2: I’m Into Spirituality

Okay, you probably already knew that based on my recent posts. But spirituality means different things to different people, so let me explain exactly what I’m doing. Right now, I’m using deep breathing as a tool to access my repressed emotions, and fully integrate them. I’m doing this for 15 minutes twice daily on my own. And I’m attending some more intense group sessions on occasion, using a different breathing technique. Beyond that, I’m working on feeling my feelings more fully whenever they arise, whether it’s a physical discomfort, a painful memory, or a blissful moment happening right now. Rather than stuffing my feelings down or covering them up with other thoughts, distractions, or medications, I try to “be with” every feeling, accept it without judgment and let it take its natural course.

These have been immensely powerful tools for me, but I’ve felt somewhat embarrassed to admit this because the experiences I’m having are completely subjective, happening only inside of me. Thoughts and emotions can’t yet be accurately measured by machines, and I can’t prove to anyone else that these practices are actually doing anything, or that they would have a similar effect on someone else. Yet I feel deeply benefited by doing them. Perhaps these tools stem more from psychology than spirituality, yet I’m feeling movement in layers that seem to go beyond the realm of emotion and thought, and I don’t know how else to label it. Besides, it seems to me that once religious rituals and requirements are taken out of the picture, we find that spirituality, and happiness itself, are matters of the mind and emotions, or whatever is underneath them. So that’s where I’m focusing my attention these days, and my worldview is shifting yet again.

As I’m experimenting with the power of breath, emotions, and presence within myself, instead of waiting until the experiment is over to share the results out of fear of being wrong or inarticulate, I’ve chosen to open up and share my journey along the way, mistakes and all. Maybe it will open a dialogue with others who are interested in similar things, and we can learn from each other.

My Emotions

So far, I’ve been vague in describing my experiences, as many of them entail long stories and are sometimes difficult to put into words. But I don’t want to understate how powerfully I have been affected. The experiences I’ve had in the past couple weeks have been life-changing! I’ve cried harder and longer than I’ve ever cried, and laughed deeper and longer than I’ve ever laughed. I’ve felt intense pain and intense joy. I’ve felt like a terrified child and a powerful adult. I’ve felt guilt and confusion, lightness and clarity. I’ve experienced the strongest and longest orgasm of my life. I’ve screamed in anger and melted into peace. Regularly, I feel tingling throughout my body, sometimes so powerfully it seems near paralysis or like I’m not in my body at all. Sometimes, images and past experiences enter my awareness and morph as I allow all of these feelings to express themselves fully without trying to resist or control them, and I learn powerful lessons from these images. Other times, I have no idea where the feelings are coming from or what they mean. I’m also learning much by paying attention to my dreams, which I have been recording nightly for the past three years.

I believe that through these experiences, emotions are being released that I have been suppressing for a very, very long time. These include the feelings of inadequacy I mentioned earlier; the fear of trusting my inner authority rather than relying on external authority; even the sexual expression of my masculinity that was so suppressed as part of my Mormon upbringing has come to see the light. I’m feeling more healthy and more whole than I have ever felt before, yet I know there is still much more work to do. I am more than ever aware of my faults, but more than ever, I am able to embrace them. I’m finally coming to love and accept myself for who I am, regardless of how I feel or what I have accomplished. And in receiving that gift, I become enabled to give it to others as well.

I want to share more details and the stories about what led me to this point, how exactly these changes took place, and how it’s affected me after the fact, and maybe I will do that in future posts. In the mean time, I would love to hear your thoughts below. Any and all comments are welcome and valid, as are the emotions that lay behind them.

Share and Enjoy

When we decided to settle in Bali, I wanted the next year to be one of contemplation, inner growth, and self-discovery. (Yes, even more than usual.) The deeper I go, however, the more I realize how much I have to learn and how little I truly know about the world both within and around me. This mostly inner journey has taken much of my energy lately. And while interesting events continue to unfold in our lives, I haven’t been motivated to write about them. I want to share some of what I’m learning soon, but in the mean time, I know many of you out there still want to know what we’re doing, so I’ll summarize the major events in the past month.

We came back from Thailand in early December and are so happy to be back! It’s rainy season here in Bali now, so most days we get a nice downpour for a few hours, although the timing is not consistent like in Costa Rica. It could come any time of day or night.

The girls have started attending a homeschool group with other kids, which they’re enjoying quite a bit. Maybe I’ll write about this in another blog post and give more details there.

I’m still studying Ba Gua Qi Gong (Chi Kung) and am loving it! For those who don’t know, it’s a Chinese internal martial art and healing system similar to some styles of Tai Chi. It’s also a fantastic workout in the morning!

Qi Gong

We went to an Indonesia Spirit Festival with kids activities, and a kirtan later that night where we sang along to some fun Indian music with Punnu Wasu. Speaking of kirtan, I’ve been invited to play the harmonium at a kirtan and have been having a great time doing it! Before I came to Ubud, I didn’t know what “harmonium” and “kirtan” meant, so let me explain. The harmonium is like a 4-octave keyboard accordion that sits on the floor, and kirtan are sanscrit songs or chants sung with audience participation, at different tempos as a sort of meditation. Kind of like the hindu version of hymns.

Kirtan with Punnu Wasu

My mom, sister, and niece visited us for the holidays. We had so much fun together! The cousins couldn’t get enough of playing together, and swam in the pool as much as they could. We went to the beach, went shopping, dancing and hula hooping, did yoga, watched a Kecak Dance (you’ll see it below), visited the Elephant Cave Temple, the Bali Zoo, and celebrated Christmas and New Year’s together, including time for reflection and letting go of the old to welcome the new. We also spent a lot of time singing; in the car, in the house, and everywhere else. Here’s a little song we wrote one day (well, we wrote the words anyway). I was proud I could play it on the ukelele.

I’m so glad they could visit and that we had time to connect and share our lives and some wonderful memories together. I miss them already. Check out my mom and sister’s blogs for more upcoming posts about our time together, with some beautiful pictures. You can also see some pictures and videos I took below.

Share and Enjoy