Because we’re in a fairly touristy town right now, one of the questions we’re often asked is, “Are you here on holiday?” At first, we always answered, “No, we live here.” After all, we did plan to stay in Malaysia for at least three months. We rented a house and a car, signed the girls up for art and Chinese classes and a community choir, and even made some friends we hung out with regularly. I work a little every day, and we homeschool the girls. So it’s not a vacation in the sense that most people think of it.

But since we’ve arrived in Penang, Malaysia, I’ve felt more like we’re on vacation than like we’re living here. It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed by the variety and magnitude of all that is around us. There are new foods to try, unique temples to visit, beautiful nature to enjoy, educational classes to enroll in, seasonal activities to participate in, cool friends to get to know better, interesting cultures to understand, and we want to do it all right now!

Coming from Costa Rica where the pace of life is slower, and there is simply less to do, Penang has been an exciting stimulation to all our senses. We partly expected it, but I think our excitement has caused us to try to do too much at once, and we’re feeling a bit tired and drained (or maybe that’s just because of the heat). This is a night town, too, where some restaurants don’t open until 7pm, and they stay open until two or three in the morning! So we often don’t get to bed until after midnight and we wake up late, which gives us the illusion of having shorter days. It’s an interesting cycle.

So right now, I feel like I just want to slow down, finish writing my book (or even just read a book), focus more on building my business, and relax with my family. I’ve made that a little more difficult than necessary by purchasing some extremely discounted AirAsia tickets to Singapore, Bali, and Japan for this Spring. Each of those trips is requiring more time for planning than I anticipated. I know they will be rich and rewarding experiences, and I’m trying to leave some things to spontaneity, such as any longer-term (7+ days) accommodations which we’d like to see in person before we commit to. But I don’t want to go unprepared, either.

We’ve also decided to not spend a full 3 months in Penang, but to spend our last month in Kuala Lumpur, renting an apartment there, if we can, and taking life a little slower. We’ll leave all the beautiful islands with crystal clear water and the nature of the Sabah/Borneo side of Malaysia for another time. Kuala Lumpur is a new city for us, though, full of fun activities and interesting sites. But we’ve decided that we’re not going to try to do them all. We’ll focus on a few highlights and the things that are most important to us, and take a lot of rest days in between. We’ll refocus on creative education (for example, we’ve enrolled the kids in a 5-day children’s technology workshop), and maybe I’ll finally even get some time to work on my book.

Vacations are great. But sometimes I just want to “live.”

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The first few days at home were wonderful, and we still had what we feel was a healthier mindset. We were still productive, we were happy, and we loved being together. We adored our kids, and always had time for them. We didn’t realize what we had been missing all along until we experienced this – it’s hard to describe how much closer we became being together in Panama. But after a week or two (10 days now) of being home, we feel an immense pull from all our commitments, and with so many distractions, we have found it very difficult to stay in that mindset.

Even though I work from home, it doesn’t seem that we’re spending much time together, and when we are, we don’t feel as close – like we’re too busy with things we “have to do” that we forget what’s really important. We have even become short-tempered and impatient with our kids again – emotions that we just didn’t have much on our trip. Interesting, isn’t it?

An Onslaught of Commitments

We had virtually no responsibilities or commitments while we were on our trip. I still had to run my business, but I could do that on my own time, and I made sure I limited myself to just a few hours a day. Since coming back, however, I’ve had a lot more going on – much of which has been very good, but it’s kept me busy.

For example, in the past ten days, I’ve had two lunch appointments (one for business, one with an old friend), several scheduled business phone calls, tai chi classes, Toastmasters meetings, church meetings (including a fun talent show that I performed in, and responsibilities with my calling), Oratorio Society of Utah rehearsals (which required a lot of piano practice since I accompanied this week), house maintenance (see my last post), a lot of e-mails to answer, programmers’ code to review, and I migrated my music teacher website to a new server to meet growing demands for performance.

The girls have had preschool and dance classes. Jen has been busy taking care of things at home, cooking, cleaning (a bigger deal when you have a bigger place), laundry, entertaining visitors, grocery shopping, doctor’s appointments, visiting teaching, babysitting other people’s kids and babies, and a lot more.

With all of these things going on (and I’m sure this list looks mild compared to some families), we have found it difficult to find time to spend together or with our kids. For example, we have been wanting to go to the “Frog” exhibit that just opened at the Natural History museum, but so far, haven’t found a single day free to go do it! We finally had a couple hours open Saturday, so took the girls to the park, which was fun. But it’s just not enough to keep the feeling of unity and love as strong as it was on our trip.

Is All This Really Necessary?

I’ve started to wonder which of the above commitments are truly necessary. Of course there are many of the above commitments we wouldn’t want to give up, especially ones relating to people we love. And of course there’s joy to be found in the self-improvement, service, and work-related commitments. But as I look at the list of what we’re busy doing, I wonder why so much of it has to occur outside of the family. Isn’t the purpose of family to teach us “self-improvement, service, and work”, and to make us better people? Are we neglecting our most important and rewarding responsibilities by bringing so much else into our lives? I’m starting to feel like some of these things are just distractions, taking me away from what I value most.

Is it really a requirement to do so much all the time, in so many different areas of life? Does it really take going to another country, away from everything, to experience a strong feeling of family unity? Is it really unrealistic to have that kind of feeling in our fast-paced society? Can I really avoid getting sucked in to all that’s going on around me? I experienced a special feeling with my family in Panama (and even a bit after we returned), and I want it back again.

I wonder what life was like in the days of Adam and Eve, when there were no governments, schools, law, or even churches – when family and the law of God was all there was. We’re told that the main reason Jesus Christ even established a church was to help fathers and mothers teach and take care of their families. Families truly are central to God’s plan for His children. (See The Family: A Proclamation to the World). Are families central in our lives?

The Power of Less

A few days ago, I checked out a book at the library called “The Power of LESS” by Leo Babauta, author of the popular Zen Habits blog – one of my favorite blogs. I have hardly been able to put the book down, and I highly recommend it to anyone trying to simplify their life or get more done (especially important things). The basic idea of the book is that you can be happier and more productive by eliminating the non-essential from your life, and doing/keeping only the essential. Yeah, a simple idea – but very profound when applied.

I certainly found this true in Panama. When we focused on what was most important (our family), and let almost everything else go out the window, we were much, much happier. I’m not saying that we should take our families and go and live like hermits, shutting out anything but each other. But there has to be a better balance than what I’m currently experiencing.

Finding the Balance

How do I find this balance again? Should I take my family on another 6 week trip? Or how about a year or more? Or maybe I should just start to cut some of the clutter out of my life as it is now, making sure I reserve time every day and every week for my family. Maybe we can have a “Family Day” a few times a week, and try to keep out other appointments and commitments on those days. Maybe I can allot specific hours of every day to spend with my kids, and make sure I leave my computer off during those times. But then I think, “How can I possibly get everything done if I do that?” Then again, do I really need to get “everything” done? What’s truly essential?

How do you find time to be with your family among all the pressures of life? And do you feel like it’s enough time? Do you feel as close in your family as you want to be? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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This time, however, we really felt rejuvenated, and have a renewed energy to get back into life. I didn’t have a big pile of things to do because I’d been taking care of the important ones while I was gone. And I realized that most of the things I thought I needed to do so urgently, really weren’t urgent, and that much of my to-do list could just be wiped out without any major effects.

What’s More Important Than Family?

Before I left, I seemed to base much of my happiness on how much I got “done”, and how well I cleared my to-do list. I would work to accomplish what I had planned to do, at the expense of enjoying time with my family, even if the things on my list weren’t very important. In fact, I often didn’t enjoy time spent with my family because I was worrying about the other things I hadn’t accomplished. Pretty sad, isn’t it? I hope I can remember this lesson, and put my family first. It makes life a lot more enjoyable. Who cares how much I do if I’m not enjoying the more important areas in my life?

It’s also much easier to and more enjoyable to deal with kids if you can give them your main focus and play with them, rather than trying to accomplish something on your own while expecting them to entertain themselves. Yes, this takes time and commitment! But what better way can you spend your time?

The day we came back was a busy day that normally would have been a bit stressful. Emily and Marie had both preschool and dance classes, we needed to go shopping for food, and I had some unfinished business to catch up on. But we had a great day and almost no stress! Yes, we ate out for two meals and didn’t get to the store, but we were okay with that! Jen and I enjoyed our date while the girls were at preschool, and we even went to a children’s musical theater that night (“Honk Jr.”) in which my dad had directed the music. What a fun day!

I accomplished what I needed to do that morning (and a little bit in the evening), and spent the rest of the day with my family – just like when we were on our trip. I’ve lived like this for the past six weeks – why shouldn’t I be able to continue doing so? Do I really need to be working or focusing on my own interests for eight hours a day?

Productivity vs. “Wasting” Time

Just being home for a few days now, I already feel a pull to go back to my old habits of working hard to be productive, and to get as much done as possible each day. Productivity is great, but I’m realizing that I was placing too much emphasis on it. I am a naturally productive person. I have trained myself not to “waste time” and to make sure whatever I’m doing is bringing me closer to my goals.

What I’ve learned on this trip, however, is that “wasting time” is often necessary to truly rejuvenate, clear your mind, and connect with yourself and others. Sometimes it’s more important to “do nothing” than to get something accomplished.

How Blessed We Are!

I didn’t think six weeks would be long enough to forget so much about what life is like at home. But we were amazed when we walked into our house because it looked so clean, and new and nice! Even though it’s just an average home around here, comparing it to where we came from, where they have a different standard of “nice” and “clean”, we were blown away. Our home seems so comfortable, is always the perfect temperature inside because of central air and heating. We have soft carpet instead of hard tile (except in the kitchen), comfortable couches to lay down on, and pure water to drink from the faucet. How blessed we are!

The streets and stores of Salt Lake City are also extremely clean (comparatively). In Panama, we got used to seeing more garbage on the side of the road, run-down or abandoned buildings, and lots of pedestrians. But everything here is very clean, new, orderly, and people generally follow traffic rules. How nice! :) (I do see a lot more sloppy dress here, though. Interestingly, Panamanians generally dress really sharp.)

We’re very happy to be home, to see family and friends again, and to be enjoying the comforts of a 1st world country.

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Share and Enjoy

I’ve always loved the idea of automation. I remember when I was about twelve years old, I loved dreaming about how, in the “future”, we’d simply press a button, and we’d have our food. We’d press another button, and we’d be dressed. We’d press another button and we’d be clear across the world. Well, that hasn’t really happened, and arguments could be made about why these wouldn’t necessarily be good things. (Note: I just saw “Wall-E” for the first time yesterday, and had to laugh. Yes, pushing buttons all day would probably just make us all fat!)

While constant and never-ending leisure wouldn’t make for a very fulfilling life, I still like the idea of “minimal effort, maximum result” – leverage – mainly because it frees up our time to do things that are more meaningful to us (if we choose to). 

I’m not one to say that every moment of our lives should be spent only on activities that we deem “most important”, just as it all shouldn’t be spent on leisure. We need regular periods of work and stress, as well as periods of renewal – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually – in order to keep happy and healthy.

And I believe that value and enjoyment can even be found even in the “mundane” things of life, such as daily hygiene, getting from one place to another, preparing food (some people really enjoy this), or working at a repetitive task. This all depends on our attitude. Are we grateful for what we have? Even still, I find my greatest fulfillment in working toward accomplishing some goal, and eliminating as much mindless or unproductive repetition as possible.

Endless Possibilities

As a child, my only aspirations for a career centered around becoming either a music teacher or a computer programmer, both of which I’ve done to some degree. But after a while, my eyes started to open up to other possibilities. I realized that there really are no limits to where we can set our sites. And I began asking myself some questions, which you may want to ask yourself as well.

What would you do if you had all the time and money you could ever want? Would you travel the world with your family? Would you buy mansions and yachts and play all day? Would you move to the country and live a simpler life? Would you fight poverty and hunger? Start foundations to preserve peace or protect the environment? Would you improve your talents or skills? Learn to play an instrument or paint or build something?  Increase your knowledge in an area of interest to you? Invent something? Run for political office? Spend more time serving neighbors and friends? Would you teach others? Would you serve a mission?  Would you do a combination of all these things?

Again, if you didn’t have to work 8 hours a day to make a living, and had time to pursue whatever you wanted, what would change? Or would you choose to do the same things you’re doing now?

This is a personal question and everyone’s answer will be different. I still don’t fully know my own answer, but it’s beginning to form.  I certainly don’t have an unlimited supply of time and money, but I have begun to realize that you really don’t need it, in order to begin accomplishing what’s most important to you. And even better, if you focus on doing what you feel most driven to do based on your values, time and money will take care of themselves, or at least, they won’t matter as much to you.

Gratitude and Persistence

I feel so grateful for what I have been given, in so many areas of my life. It seems much more than I deserve. I want to make the best of what’s been allotted to me –  living my life to the fullest – not wasting it, but putting it to good use in ways that bless others as well as myself. It’s a constant learning process, and I feel like I’m just at the beginning. And who knows what the future will bring? So right now, I’m taking advantage of opportunities while they’re available to me, and giving my family an experience we’ve been dreaming about. 

So, let me ask you – if there is something you want to accomplish in life, are you taking steps to accomplish it now? If not, ask yourself why. Determine what the next step would be for you, and do it! Then take the next step, and keep moving. Persistence does pay off.

P.S.  Speaking of work/renewal cycles, I have to promote another great book. Check out ”The Power of Full Engagement” by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz. It talks about the importance of these and other cycles in our lives (among other things). For example, how we work so much more productively if we take regular breaks throughout the day, where we completely separate, mentally and physically, and in all other areas, from work. Then when we come back, we’re more refreshed, and have more energy to enjoy the rest of the day. And how pre-determined routines can help you reach your goals. It’s one of the best books I’ve read in a long time.

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Share and Enjoy