It’s been fascinating to hear others’ experiences and beliefs on this topic, and to have the chance to clarify my own views as I’ve responded to questions, accusations, and praise for my decision. I admit that I was afraid at how others might react, but am pleased to report that most of the responses were positive, and that many of my relationships have deepened as people opened up to me like I opened myself up in the document. I’ve also met some new friends both in and out of the church. This has been a wonderful learning experience for me and has taught me more about myself, human nature, and why people believe what they do.

It’s also made it even more clear to me how each of us see the world through our own filters of reality, and how difficult those filters are to remove. Even when we think we’ve removed them, we usually haven’t. I’m reminded of the common mistakes we all (including me) make in our thinking, so well explained in the book Don’t Believe Everything You Think which I reviewed last year. It’s a great book that really increased my awareness of how our brains work and how we form our beliefs.

I thought it would be interesting to summarize the most common responses I received to my announcement. While each response was as unique as the person writing it, there were some common themes that kept coming up. Each of the items listed below is an idea I heard several times in the responses I received. I think this list demonstrates that people have their own minds, experiences, opinions, and emotions that vary greatly even within the same belief system. Personally, I think that kind of diversity makes the world a more interesting place to live and probably helps us grow more than if we all felt the same way about everything. That is, if we can all learn to love and accept ourselves and each other with all our differences.

Here are the most common responses I received:

• You’re an anti-Mormon, deceived by the devil, and are just trying to destroy people’s faith.
• You will regret this at Judgment Day when you’re forced to humbly kneel before Christ.
• I know you left just because you wanted to sin / have more free time on Sundays, etc.
• I’m really sad and disappointed in your decision. You must be very unhappy. I will pray for you.
• I know the church is true. It brings me so much peace and I can’t imagine going through life without it.
• I’ve heard it all before, and I’m still strong in the church.
• I don’t agree with what you said, but I still love you.
• You will always be our friends. It doesn’t matter to us what you believe.
• Your document was well-written, but your logic is flawed because you’re not taking into account the witness from the Holy Ghost.
• I think you over-thought some of these things, and intellectualized yourself out of the gospel. You’re “too smart” for the church.
• I’ve had more powerful spiritual experiences than the ones you describe that I could never deny and they prove to me that the church is true.
• You were an inspiration to me growing up and helped strengthen my testimony through your example. I’m really shocked to hear this news, but I still consider you my friend.
• I can tell you’ve really thought this through. Here are some other questions you might want to consider.
• You’ve caused me to think a lot, and you’re right about many things. But I still believe in the church.
• I don’t believe everything the church teaches, and it doesn’t really matter if it’s true or false because it makes me a better person and/or it’s what I’m comfortable with, so that’s why I believe.
• I want to believe the church is true. It’s really scary for me to think that it might not be. But I have to know the truth. I’m going to find out for myself. Thanks for sharing your journey.
• It’s so nice to know I’m not alone! I feel the same way as you do, but my wife/husband/brother/mom/etc won’t even try to listen to my concerns.
• Your article makes perfect sense and I completely agree with everything you said, but I still go to church to keep my family together (my spouse would divorce me if I left, and my kids would disown me).
• You’ve really helped me at a crossroads in my life and your document brought me so much peace and has given me courage to do what I know I need to do. Thank you!
• I left the church years ago for many of the same reasons you did, and have been so happy ever since. You put into words beautifully what I was never able to articulate, and it really resonated with me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
• We’ve been trying to figure out how to tell our family and friends that we left the church, and your document really helps spell it out in a non-offensive way. I’m going to share it with them / use some of your words in my response.
• I just want you to know that you’re not alone and that despite how some people will mistreat you for this decision, there are thousands more who support you. It’s great to see you being true to yourself.
• You should write a book about this and publish it! There are so many people struggling with these issues who feel so alone and afraid and they need your help.
• Writing that took amazing courage and integrity, and you handled it with such grace! Well done! You inspire me!

What a spectrum of responses! Do you see your response (either thought or written) in the list? Of course there were many more, and some went into great detail, but this is a summary of the most common ones.

Interestingly, when we decided to sell our material possessions a couple years ago and travel the world as a family, we received similar backlash and support from various people (although the severity was on a different scale). Some people thought we were crazy and stupid. Some were concerned about our health and safety. Others felt like we were living the dream and wished they could join us. Some ignored us. Others were inspired by us and made preparations to do the same thing themselves. I suppose whenever we make a radical decision, or a choice that breaks the barriers of culture and “normal” expectations, people will react differently, according to where they’re at in their own life, their own fears and desires, their own experience and expectations. These reactions say much more about the speaker than they do about our decisions or about us as individuals, but we can learn something about ourselves from each response if we choose to, and help each other grow.

We’ve been fortunate to come to a place inside of ourselves that we’re very happy and content with. We’ve realized that we don’t have to live to meet others’ expectations, and that’s not what ultimately brings happiness to anyone. Instead, we do what ignites our passions, fills our lives with meaning, and makes the world a better place in our eyes. My hope is that we can all do just that, in our own unique ways.

Howard Thurman said, ”Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

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Perhaps part of why we’re enjoying it here so much is because we decided to splurge on a nice apartment with views overlooking some greenery on one side, and the cityscape on another side, including the famous Petronas Towers. We’ve found that having nice views, large windows, and nature close by help us feel more relaxed, reflective, and elevated, so it’s worth the expense to us. We’re paying RM 6,900 (roughly $2,220 USD) for one month in this 2 bedroom, 1800 sq ft apartment, which includes furniture, all utilities and Internet, cleaning service twice a week, and amenities like a swimming pool, gym, and playground. It’s also just a 10 minute walk to the train station and the Mid Valley Megamall with hundreds of shops, restaurants, and activities to choose from. Of course, this would be much cheaper if we committed to a year lease, and maybe we’ll come back and do just that. Here’s the view from our master bedroom.

And the night view out our bathroom window.

Yeah, we’re enjoying it.

The only thing our apartment lacks is decent kitchenware. We have the basics: an oven, a microwave and a small refrigerator/freezer. But we only have four plates and four cups, no blender, and not much in the way of pots and pans, beaters and other utensils. So we still haven’t been doing much cooking. We’ve been buying a lot of fruit, though, and we try to at least eat breakfast at home because most places here don’t open until 10am anyway. Fortunately, we also found that we can order food in from a variety of restaurants via http://roomservice.com.my. It’s been great for those days when we don’t feel like going out, but don’t really want to cook either. Who needs a private chef?

Our first few days here were just spent looking for a place to live, and our first week here, the girls were involved in a fun technology day camp where they made computer animations, stop-motion video, and learned the basics of engineering with legos.

Kuala Lumpur doesn’t feel as hot as Penang. That’s probably because it’s much less humid, being further from the ocean. But it’s still hot when the sun is out. As for traffic, despite rumors we’d heard, we found the drivers to be quite courteous, at least compared to Costa Rica and Penang. But the roads themselves are often crowded with cars, and because of how they’re laid out, it can take a long time to go short distances. Fortunately, Kuala Lumpur has an excellent train system every bit as developed as the one in Japan (although not quite as expansive — it’s just for getting around the city). We haven’t tried the buses yet, but we hear they’re nice as well, and very cheap.

One of the major attractions here that surprised us has been the shopping malls. Wait, malls? Seriously? Yeah, we’ve never really enjoyed malls or shopping, and certainly wouldn’t think to go there just for “fun.” But these malls are different. First, they’re massive! Usually at least 5 stories high, and with hundreds of shops each, selling lots of unique items we’ve never seen before, restaurants with every type of food you can imagine, and even activities like ice skating, laser tag, bowling, and movie theaters. One of the more spectacular malls, Sunway Pyramid, follows an Egyptian theme with a giant pyramid and sphinx out front, and even has a ferris wheel inside!

Maybe we wouldn’t think the malls were so cool if we hadn’t arrived during the celebration of Chinese New Year, when the malls are decked to the hilt with red lanterns and golden dragons, and when there are regular free performances of Chinese acrobats, cultural dances, and musical artists to liven up the air. On the night of Chinese New Year, we also got treated to the most spectacular fireworks displays I’ve ever seen, and at eye level from our apartment window. It’s an amazing time to be here in Kuala Lumpur.

Unfortunately, the prices on everything are much higher than Penang, but I guess that’s what you get in a bigger city. Still, it’s very reasonable and probably cheaper than most other major cities in the world, especially the food prices.

Next post I’ll be writing about some of our outings around KL. Until then, enjoy the pictures and video below. This video includes some cool acrobatics and dance performances, fireworks, and lots of baby Aysia footage, as requested. :)

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I don’t usually enjoy the transportation part of travel. Despite my efforts to the contrary, my tendency is to treat getting to my destination as a means to an end, especially when I’m standing in lines at airports, rushing through security, or sitting on a plane for half a day. But I’ve had such a positive experience with China Airlines that I had to post something about it here.

It’s a long way from Hawaii to Malaysia. To save money, we split our journey into three legs. Our first leg was a 9 hour flight to Tokyo, Japan, with a 90 minute layover, followed by a 4 hour flight to Taipei, Taiwan with an overnight stay at a very nice hotel paid for by China Airlines, which I’ll talk about later. The next day, we had another 4 hour flight to our final destination of Penang, Malaysia.

Because we’re traveling with an infant, we requested to sit in a bulkhead seat (front row of a section) so we could use the baby bassinet they have available after takeoff. They put us in the middle four seats of an exit row, which was perfect for us, allowed us all to sit together, gave us lots of leg room, and of course a place for the baby to sleep. The meals were great, and they even brought toys for the kids to play with, and supplies of food and diapers for the baby. If this is coach, I wonder what first class is like! Interestingly, because we had kids, they let us board at the same time as the first class passengers.

On the plane to Japan

The flight attendants were immaculately dressed and groomed, with perfect posture and warm smiles, and were so helpful with everything from lifting baggage into the overhead bins, to providing toys for the kids, and baby supplies (like food and diapers) for the baby, all without me asking.

In both Japan and Taiwan, we were amazed at the constant smiles we received, and conversations we had with those we were travelling with and those who attended us. Of course, it probably helped a lot that we’re traveling with a beautiful 5-month old baby. Little Aysia was doted on at every turn, always receiving smiles, and on more than one occasion being mobbed by groups of women (and sometimes men) who wanted to adore her and get her to smile more. I couldn’t help but grin as I again and again saw these sweet people melt in the presence of our little one. Maybe it will get old soon, but for now, it’s kind of fun, and helps open doors to get to know people.

Melty Kiss Japanese chocolate

While in Japan, I bought a few treats that I remember enjoying when I used to live there. One treat, a delicious chocolate candy called “Melty Kiss,” sounds seductively appetizing, while the other, a drink called Pocari Sweat doesn’t have an appealing ring to westerners, but is a surprisingly refreshing beverage nonetheless. Both were delicious.

We were pretty tired when we finally arrived in Taiwan. The girls were especially exhausted and ornery, which I expected after 15 hours straight on a plane and in airports. But we were able to find the shuttle stop to our hotel (everyone spoke English). China Air paid for us to stay at Novotel, a modern, elegant, and hip hotel right by the Taipei airport. They had some cool features in the room, like magic glass in the shower, an anti-fog mirror in the bathroom, universal electric outlets, and they even brought us a baby bathtub. But the best part was the free breakfast the next morning, which had so many different types of foods, from Chinese dumplings and several noodle dishes, to loads of pastries, soups, fruits, yogurts, and cereals, to lots of things I’d never seen before. It could easily have been a complete lunch or dinner buffet. We enjoyed trying some new foods and had a delicious (and free) breakfast — thanks China Airlines!

Novotel breakfast

After breakfast, we caught our flight to Penang, Malaysia, and have begun our new life here. I’ll be writing about our first impressions in my next post.

Also, for those of you with an 11″ Macbook Air, I just now realized that they’re small enough that you don’t need to take them out of your bag when going through airport security! I wish I would have known that several months ago. It would have saved us some headache and time in the lines.

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Yep. That’s right.

Are we crazy?

Probably.

You’re kidding, right? But… WHY?!!

Isn't Costa Rica Beautiful?

Well, you already know how much we enjoyed our trip to Panama. True, that was more of a vacation-mindset trip than it was a “living in another country” trip, but we still experienced our share of culture, language, and grew closer together as a family.

We have been thinking all year about where we wanted to go next. We knew we wanted to stick with Spanish speaking countries, because we’re not yet satisfied with our current Spanish ability. We looked into Peru, Ecuador, Colombia…

But then we realized – Hey! We can fly almost free ($50/person each way) to Costa Rica, because my step-mom works for Jet Blue. Costa Rica is right next door to Panama, which we loved. It’s pretty well developed (yes, maybe a little touristy), but beautiful. Perfect weather. Laid back culture. Relatively low cost of living. Why not?

Lots of volcanos in Costa Rica - even active ones!

So, we’ve spent quite a bit of time the past few weeks researching about Costa Rica. I’ve posted messages on Costa Rica forums, and have been learning about the different aspects of the country. We probably won’t choose exactly where we’ll live until we get there – we’d rather see the place before committing to a long-term rental agreement, wouldn’t you? But we are narrowing it down to a few small cities and towns.

Finding a place to settle down permanently isn’t necessarily even our goal. We seem to be explorers by nature, and get quickly bored unless we’re challenged with new experiences and places. I’m not saying we’ll never settle down. Who knows, we may someday buy a place we love, and start collecting “stuff” again. But right now, we don’t really care about that. We want to live with less, and be mobile.

Selling Everything. Owning Nothing.

We’ve also realized how attached we can become to our possessions. And how, beyond basic comforts, they don’t really contribute to our happiness. In fact, our possessions can really weigh us down. Think of how much time and maintenance is required to own a house or a car, for example.

Recently, after reading a chapter in “The New Global Student” about families who have made the move abroad, or who sold everything they owned, bought a boat, and sailed with their family for a few years; we realized that a location-independent lifestyle – where we get the chance to explore new cultures as we want to, go where we want to go, when we want to go there, meet new people, and constantly be out of our comfort zones and growing – is a very appealing lifestyle for us. Change and growth can be fun! Especially when compared to stagnating in the sameness of day-to-day life.

So, as crazy as the idea still sounds, we feel great about selling everything we own – yes, even our new car – and getting a one-way ticket to Costa Rica. Well, we won’t be getting rid of everything. We’ll each take a carry-on suitcase with us, and we’ll put some things in storage as well. We’ll probably take a little loss on the car and the house (we just refinanced), but it will be worth it. Also, immigration laws won’t let us get a true one-way ticket, but we’re making it work.

We plan to stay until we feel like leaving, and then go somewhere else new – maybe Argentina, Brazil, India, China, Italy – who knows! But we probably won’t be coming back to the U.S. to live for a while (unless we want to). Of course, we’ll still come back to visit for holidays or other occasions. We may only want to stay in Costa Rica for 3 months, or we may stay for 3 years. Either way, it will be an adventure.

Renters by Choice

We plan on renting furnished apartments or houses wherever we go, so we don’t have any “baggage”. Our expenses could be so much lower, too (in many countries), than they would be in the U.S. so we could end up saving a lot of money – as long as we don’t treat every day like we’re on vacation, but actually try to live normal lives. Well, normal is relative, but… you know.

Of course our income won’t be affected, because I have an on-line business that continues to generate income every month, and I can run it from anywhere. This has been a great blessing to us, and we’re grateful it continues to grow.

However, you may be interested to know that there are many people doing the same thing, who aren’t Internet entrepreneurs. There are other ways to support yourself when living abroad. And in some countries, you can support your family and live like a king for under $1,000/month. (Note: Costa Rica isn’t one of them, although many locals live comfortably on less).

If you’re interested in reading about the experience of others who have moved abroad, check out some of these websites:

• http://locationindependent.com/
• http://jetsetcitizen.com/
• http://www.freepursuits.com/
• http://chrisguillebeau.com/
• http://away-together.com/about/
• http://www.zenhabits.net/
• http://www.nerdynomad.com/

A Change of Culture

We’ve also thought a lot about what we really want to gain from living abroad. One of the main things we want is a change of culture. Not that we expect Costa Rica to be perfect. No place is.

But to us, the suburban American culture we live in seems focused so much on money, competition, and possessions, over people, friendships, and becoming a good person.  Sure, that’s a stereotype and isn’t always the case. And life is what you make it. Also, a healthy dose of money, competition, and possessions can be beneficial. But I think an unhealthy focus on these things, at the expense of people and service, permeates our society, in the media, movies, news, and more, and it’s difficult not to be affected. We want a simpler, kinder, slower, focus-more-on-what-matters kind of life, and we find that easier to live in other places.

As one example, think of the fast-paced and hurried lives many modern families are now engulfed in, with kids enrolled in so many after-school activities, from sports and music to dance and extra classes to parties and playing with friends, not to mention homework. The hope is that we can give our kids every opportunity for growth and development and let them get a taste of everything that’s out there, and achieve their greatest potential.

I think that’s great. But I feel like in doing so, we may be giving up something more valuable. Parents can easily spend a good portion of their day simply driving their kids from one place to another, especially in larger families. And the kids are involved with so many activities, it’s difficult to really focus on any of them. Kids and parents can become over scheduled and stressed out, losing touch with each other and with life itself. Some families may be able to handle this pace, and it could work great for them. But it’s not the lifestyle that works for our family – we’ve tried it to some degree, and didn’t like it. I want to live my life more at a pace where if I pass by the proverbial rose, I won’t hesitate to take time to smell and enjoy and appreciate it.

Disconnecting and Slowing Down

I’m also finding that I, like many others, have a technology addiction that can be consuming. I think it’s great to connect with people through e-mail, and social media sites like Facebook and Twitter (and yes, even the phone if I have to). It’s great to be able to stay in touch with people who are far away, and we plan to continue using these tools. But I find that if I don’t take time to disconnect from everything electronic, for significant portions of the day (or week), I’m not as connected with myself – or with life – as I want to be.

For years, I was a constant productivity machine, always checking my e-mail, trying to make every moment count toward whatever goal I was striving for.  That’s great. It’s brought me some wonderful rewards. But I feel like it’s time to slow down. And I think I have slowed down a lot in the past year or two. I’ve realized that the more I live my life in such a way that I am in touch with how I’m feeling, the more connected I feel not only to myself, but to others, and to God. Do I really want to miss out on these opportunities for greater inner peace, more enriching relationships, and real personal growth, by constantly doing more, knowing more, and having more? I think not.

Like Panama, Costa Rica will be a catalyst for these kinds of changes in our lives.

What about the kids’ education?

As mentioned in previous posts, we plan on homeschooling our children. Their minds are so inquisitive right now, and we plan on exploring their areas of interest as far as they want to take them, in addition to teaching them reading and basic math, in natural ways (see Unschooling). But to be honest, at their ages (almost 6 and 4), I’m more concerned about our kids personal development than I am about their academic education. As they get a little older, maybe we can do something more formal, possibly even enrolling them in some foreign schools. If they want to graduate from college, there are plenty of options to do so internationally (and early), that are much cheaper than attending a U.S. institution.

Of course we’ll try to make sure they have the skills they need to survive in the world, how to think and make decisions, and make a living, etc. We’ll all probably end up being at least trilingual. But we’re more concerned about the kind of people they become. And the kind of people we are. We want to make volunteering a bigger part of our life as well. We’ve already contacted a few orphanages in Costa Rica for starters, and plan to do what we can to help. We’ll see where life takes us.

I still can’t believe you’re doing this!

In some ways, neither can I. It may also surprise you that Jen, not me, has been the biggest instigator of this move. I had several doubts and hesitations about it myself. And I’m not excited about all the preparation work involved in leaving. But we know we want to do it. The rewards are too great to pass up. Our lives have been moving in this direction for years, and we’ve finally realized that this is the next step we need to take. (Although we would never have dreamed of making a jump like this two or three years ago.)

And while we may be a little crazy, we’re also happy. We’re all of a sudden willing to throw out so many of the ideas our culture has taught us about what’s important in life, what’s a necessity to have, and what we’re expected to do. We’re re-inventing our lives, learning from experience, and trying new and exciting things. It’s invigorating, and we feel alive!

We probably won’t be leaving until January, 2010, because there is a lot to do to get ready for the move. We’re going to miss our family and friends here, but in this global age of blogs, e-mail, Facebook, and Skype, I don’t think we’ll seem that far away. And we can always come back. Or you can come visit us! And we hope you will.

If any of you are interested in having our “stuff”, we’d be happy to have you take it off our hands. Everything from furniture, to cds and movies, toys, electronics, decorations, and more, has got to go. But there are some furniture pieces we’d like to keep within the family. We’ve already donated more than half our clothes to charity. The toys are next, so act fast before they’re gone. Just let us know if you’re interested, and you can come take a walk through our house and see if anything strikes your interest.

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